One Year Later

             My dearest readers, please pardon my absence last Sunday. I did not entirely have words to share last week. I also found myself absolutely exhausted last Sunday, so I gave myself a pass. But I sit before you this evening still tired but tired from a weekend of living and joy. I also have a delicious skull glass of whiskey and apple cider before me to help the words flow this evening. Now I just need to get the music right and all will be well behind the keyboard this evening. 

            Shelby and I recently hit the one-year milestone of knowing each other. We met, of all places, on Tinder. Our first meeting was at a local coffee house for a coffee date. Shelby had intended to pay, but had forgotten their wallet at home. I of course paid, we ordered our coffees and headed outside to enjoy some nicotine and fresh air. We eventually got cold and found a comfy spot inside. We had the most enjoyable conversation about everything and nothing. The words flowed freely, and I was smitten with the amazing energy that Shelby has. I left that coffee date on the most amazing natural high. 

            We had more dates, some sleep-overs and Shelby even agreed to head out off the beaten path to Eureka, Utah to explore some 4x4 trails and ruins of days gone by. We enjoyed some amazing food at a local restaurant and enjoyed some shopping at the local stores. We soon had a breakfast date where Shelby got to meet my little monkey for the first time. On a second trip to Eureka, we loaded up the monkey and Shelby's father. It was on that trip, unprompted, that the monkey told Shelby that they love them. It was absolutely adorable. 

            Many more dates followed. A few short months ago, Shelby moved in with me. That was a bit before the one-year mark, but it felt right. It has in fact been the right choice. We just had Jackie with us from Wednesday to this afternoon. We enjoyed a trip to Shelby's aunts house for Thanksgiving. I have been welcomed into that family with open arms, and honestly it feels nice to be involved in a family again. 

            

"You deserve a healthy love with someone who sees you, hears you, understands you, appreciates you, supports you, and loves you. Someone who is consistent, communicates clearly, and creates a calm safe space to heal, grow and bloom together. A love you never have to heal from."             I liberated that picture and text from a friend's FB page. It is simple and true. For so many years, I found myself wrapped up in intense and often dramatic relationships. Looking back through time with today's perspective, those relationships often reflected what I was used to, hence why they felt acceptable, exciting or "Right". But what I was used to was not really healthy or conducive to healthy growth. It is not to say that they were Jerry Springer moments, but more often than not both parties involved were broken and trying to heal or just perpetuating our wounds content with non progression from what we knew. I played both roles at different points with different people.

            Being an unhealed person caused a lot of trauma or, as I like to think of it, learning experiences. I can stand before you and confidently say that if you are dating, trying to fill the void of being lonely, you will perpetually find yourself accepting less than what you truly deserve. Matches made in loneliness are usually not ones made to last or offer a rich and healthy experience. I had to be content with myself before I was content with a partner.

            Before I met Shelby, there were a few people introduced to me or who found me and tried to pursue me. I found myself excusing myself from those potential people rather quickly. It gave me pause when I experienced it a few times in a row. It was then that I realized I was rejecting what felt too familiar, too dramatic or in at least one case dramatic with a side of extreme loneliness coupled with a drinking problem and a need for unhealthy attention. That person when I told them us dating would never be a thing was aghast that I was so forward. But after a long history of trial and error, I was no longer willing to accept what did not feel right or align with my personal values. Ironically, that person was berating me and telling me how hurt they were while messaging a mutual friend and asking if they knew any cute single guys...

            I guess what I am trying to say here, friends, is do the work to become a whole ass person before you leap into the arms of the next person to offer you attention. Yes, attention feels good, but the drama and inevitable disappointment and possible emotional suffering do not. Not every meeting after some self work will turn into something amazing, but that is life. It is better to meet someone healed and realize together things are off than to have that Jerry Springer whirlwind of a short-lived fling.             I am absolutely grateful to have met Shelby when I did. It feels like for both of us, if we had met sooner, we would not have been right for each other at that time. Shelby it was worth the waiting, the work and the bad relationships and misadventures to end up with you. I am grateful for the love, patience and appreciation you show me on the daily. We have no "Taboo" conversation topics or things we must avoid saying to keep the false peace, as we have both experienced in the past so often. I am overjoyed that I get to share my life with you and that we are each other's voice of reason and motivation. I look forward to what the next year has in store for us and can't wait to see where it takes us. Bishop :(: