It took a long time for me to arrive at this same realization. I used to fight against myself and talk to myself in the worst ways imaginable. Somehow, no matter how mean or hard I was on myself, it never prompted change. It helped depression, anxiety and my horrible self-image blossom into something truly horrifying, though. I guess that should not be so shocking to me. The negative reinforcement from my childhood brought about the same results.
This year is different. This year is about growth, letting go and getting complete with my past. I had some truth dropped on me by Gary John Bishop recently. I am currently reading his book Grow Up. Our stories of our childhood are shaped by the lens and understanding of a child. If we were to compare our parents at that time and place to an adult of the same age in this time frame, what burdens might they be fighting? Were they truly doing the best they could and possibly fighting things that we could not or should not have known about at that moment in time?
This saying carries weight to it. No matter how angry we might be with someone, that anger does nothing to resolve, process or move on from whatever it was that made us angry. I am not trying to say you should be a doormat and whatever happens is what happens. But how many things can you remember that made you angry from a decade ago? Do these memories or the easy ability to recall them do anything to actually help you in present day life? This is what I am working on, getting complete with the random bullshit that truly does nothing to serve me in 2024.
As we know, that is not all I am working on. I am highly doubtful that I will weigh 343.4 pounds on Tuesday. But I am not depressed about that. I have no excuses. What I can tell you is I am 28 days clean from fast food. I have a new breakfast meal prep that the scale tells me is working. I am still tweaking work lunch because I eventually do tire of the same thing every day. But instead of negative self talk, depression and giving up, I am going to recognize the progress and pat myself on the back. Not a participation trophy, but an acknowledgement that I am actively working on getting where I want to be. No participation trophy or pity party will do a single thing to further myself on these goals.
The pocket life coach book club meeting is Tuesday. We are on chapter three. Part of this chapter homework was to list 10 joys in life and find ways to incorporate them into life more often. Another one was 10 habits that we will develop for a better life. Goal setting has changed for me. I used to look at an assignment like that and rattle off the most buzz word and hopeful list of trash that meant nothing. This time? This time it took me a while to fill out both of those lists. I now have a list of ten habits that mean something to me. They are things I actually plan on doing, not just tossing aside because the chapter is done. If you live a same shit different day life, you will always have a same shit different day life.
To change can be hard. But, to continue to live the same life and deal with things you are not happy about is not actually easier. Yes the immediate effort feels lower but at what actual cost? These are the deep questions to pause and reflect on. Often when confronted with a truth we do not wish to entertain, we as humans gloss over it and move on before it can take root, and we are forced to deal with the discomfort it provides. I never said we as humans were smart.
For those who follow my podcast Mental Flog. Yes, on that list was a task to post an episode. The "Lost Episode" as I call it from December 26th 2022 has come to see the light of the day. Tuesday I will talk to Jeff and set a solid date to record the intro and first episode. Time to get the show on the road! Well dear reader, that is all I have to share tonight. Thanks for checking in.
Bishop :(:
Comments
Post a Comment