If you live a same shit different day life, you will always have a same shit different day existence. I have said this many times and I will continue to keep saying it. The biggest limiting factor in our lives is ourselves. I know many of you are saying to yourself "But Bishop..." followed by some self-justification. I know because I am human and that is what we do. We justify our own actions to keep us safe in our cocoon of justification. How do I know this? Easy, I have done and still do this myself from time to time.
If I was still accepting of my same shit different day life, I would be living in Orem, Utah in a single wide mobile home delivering HVAC and plumbing supplies and counting pennies every time I put food in my shopping cart. I would probably be drinking heavily every other weekend and chasing or currently dating whatever red flag I came across that seemed like a bad idea, so I invited them over.
Instead, I am in my house in SLC, drinking tea and listening to Spotify while I type this. I have plenty of alcohol on the shelf upstairs, but I just don't feel in the mood for a drink. Piece by piece, I changed my same shit life into one that I enjoy more. Does this mean I never feel stuck in a rut? Absolutely not. I still have my days and even weeks that lack forward motion. Things like the Pocket Life Coach help me change life up and set new goals while taking a deep dive on myself and my day-to-day life.
I used to have this dream of everything in my single wide being just how I wanted it. I would be able to come home from work and just kick my shoes off and relax. While we all need time and space to relax, that life sounds boring to me now. Relaxing for me then would have been a good meal paired with a cold beer and something to watch on television.
When we get stuck in a same shit different day rut, and it gets on our nerves, there is one tried and true method to get out of it. You have to own your shit, all of it, not just the parts that are convenient or seem to take the least amount of effort. I dated someone once who told me she wished she had more time to read. Do you know what she did when she was home? More often than not, she went to her bedroom and watched TV. Just sat on the bed, played with her son and watched TV until it was time to go to bed. She had time to read, she just didn't want to change her routine.
As Jeff and I said over and over in season one of Mental Flog, you won't change until you get sick of your own shit. How sick you have to get is up to you. The world is truly an amazing place full of possibilities and opportunity. We just have to open our eyes to it. Take for example I went from a starving, love sick delivery driver to a homeowner, service writer, blogger and podcaster in a healthy relationship over the span of six years. Change does not happen overnight, and it took work, but it was worth it.
When I was in my prior relationship, I made myself small in my own house, so I didn't rock the boat. Let that sink in. I made myself small in my own house... I quit writing, I quit reading as much. When I did pick up a self-help book or something to teach me new skills, I was told I was doing reading wrong because "Reading is supposed to be for enjoyment, not boring.". I worked long, hard days and came home and spent more time upping my skills to be better at what I did, and my girlfriend could not wrap her head around that. So even on our change from the same shit different day life we can get hit with detours along the way.
After we split, I read Single On Purpose by John Kim. This book was the spark for my journey of self-love and truly helped me change. That was part of my same shit different day sickness. I sucked at self-love, and it kept me miserable for so long. Sucking at self-love lead to me accepting a lot of things in life that weren't good for me. From friendships to work and even personal relationships, it had an effect on everything. We are capable of so much, even if we don't believe it. We are fantastic at limiting ourselves and keeping our selves down. But when we put in the effort to address what is bothering us, life can and will change.
Living in the past kept me from moving forward. In 2020, I met with Jeff, and we did a ritual that focused on letting go of the past. That truly helped me start moving forward. We can spend so much time rehashing the events of the past that we lose focus of what is right in front of us. When it comes to the past we have to remember it is just that in the past. No matter how many late nights we spend re hashing past events or shower fights we win, it will not change anything. We can however learn the lessons we need to from what has been, and do better in the future.
Ready to break the same shit cycle? Write down 5 things that bother you on a regular basis. These are goals on a personal weather, so don't add things like the price of gas or the weather we are having. Real issues that directly affect you and that you have the ability to change. Pick two of these goals to tackle now. Write down the steps you need to do to change things. Now dedicate time daily, every other day or at the very least weekly where you will tackle these issues. The ball is in your court if you have made it that far. When the time you declared has come to work on these issues, push aside the too tired, not in the mood or whatever other self sabotage excuses you come up with. It is time to break the cycle! Remember, the will power fairy is as real as the tooth fairy. You are in charge of your destiny now!
Thanks for stopping by to read my blog post. Can I ask a favor? Please click the follow button on at the Healing Heathen webpage. If you enjoy what I post, please consider sharing the link on social media. If you really enjoy the blog, leave me a comment. I love to hear from my readers. Curious about the Mental Flog podcast? I now have the 5 most recent episodes linked to the top of the Healing Heathen web page so they are easy to check out. With that dear reader it is time for this heathen to call it a night.
Bishop :(:
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