I got Ruger when he was about six months old. I found him on KSL for $50. A family had gotten him right before they had a baby, and they were having a hard time with a newborn and a puppy. Ruger was the first dog I got for myself. Although when I got him he came with the name buster. That did not last long.
I named him Ruger. It truly fit, he really was a pistol. I was much younger and less patient when I first got him. I remember not so fondly coming home from work one day when he was still a puppy. We took a nap and while sleeping he took a leak on himself, the couch and me. I remember telling Rachael maybe I made a mistake getting him. I am sure I annoyed him, just like he annoyed me at times as we grew together.
As a puppy, he developed this habit of bringing an empty food bowl or water bowl to you when he wanted something. Bringing eventually turned into him throwing it at you. You almost always knew what he wanted.
Rachael taught him and Baby a trick called "Say please" as pictured here. One time when we were having a Thanksgiving of our own and the turkey was resting on the counter, he kept coming up to me a whining. Eventually I followed him into the kitchen where he looked longingly at the entire turkey on the counter while saying please and desperately looking at me. Yes, the little shit really thought he could ask for an entire turkey.
He was often my little shadow who followed me everywhere. He always wanted to be with dad, whatever I was doing. Although, he was not so much a fan of the outdoors. He was in many ways a house cat who enjoyed short walks to the food bowl and long naps on the couch with A/C.
He had a favorite color. He loved the color green. One time when Rachael took him to Petco he found the strategically placed dog toys at the checkout stand. Out of all the toys he could have picked, he found a green one and did not want to give it up. He won that round.
Rachael got a cat shortly before Jackie came along. Ruger realized if he hung one of his dog toys off the edge of the couch while the cat was under it, she would try and get it. Catfishing became one of his favorite games. When we had a love sack he would start out on our bed run and jump off of it, race down the hall bounce onto the love seat then jump off the other end all four paws out and touch down in the love sack. He would do this over and over again until it was time to take a nap in the love sack.
He was always down for a snuggle and a nap. However, he was a prolific bed hog. As small as he was, he would always try and take over the king-size bed. Shelby and I ended up sleeping with three blankets, one for each of us and one for him. When Rachael and I got divorced he ended up going to live with her after a while. He hated being alone, and I worked in salt lake and later on the dealerships. He did not like the long days alone.
I would always steal him for long weekends when I could. I am forever grateful that she kept him. In 2020 he came back to stay with me. However now he tried to ditch me for women. I think he was a little bit resentful for our time apart and also realized women were better at cuddles. But when it was just the two of us he was my little shadow again.
He even put up with occasionally having to play dress up for the tiny human. He was still a little shit, and you always wondered if he was plotting against you. But he was getting older and grumpy at times, so I can't really blame him.
He got sick in 2023. He had gone blind and ended up scratching his eye. Sabrina helped me with the vet because I could not cover that visit. He got a cone of shame that he hated. Shortly before this, he went blind. We had him tested for diabetes. He did not have it. When I asked the vet what he tough was going on with him, he suggested he probably had cancer.
As Ruger went blind, his personality changed. I think he realized at that point he actually needed all of us to survive. He became much more patient and loving. I think I too had to change at that time. While I had become more patient over the years, I still had a ways to go.
Ruger was never a fan of the leash. For a time he was coming to work with me. He started out on a leash, but it did not last long. He eventually kept slipping his collar off. One day, out of frustration, I did not put it back on him. The smart little shit learned how to recognize my footsteps. He was my little shadow again, and I was his seeing eye human. He followed me everywhere around the shop except into the bays. He hated the sounds of air tools.
He got sick again. He started to have trouble keeping food down. This resulted in accidents in the building and once in my car. I thought, yet again, I was going to lose him. We put him on wet food for a bit, and he managed to keep that down. However, he developed farts that could clear a church. Shelby found a dry dog food brand that he could eat and keep down. The death farts got better ish.
He became a stay at home house cat. He loved to spend time with Aunt Tesa and Uncle Seppi. He also loved to share food with anyone who was eating. While he could not see the food, he had an ear for snack bags and a nose for food. One time Shelby and I ate pizza in bed while he was on the floor and spent his time circling the bed like a shark and yelling at us.
He was a little butthead, but he was my little butthead. I just shared him with a few people because everyone loved the little blind dog. Shelby would often watch him at their place before they moved in. He stole the hearts of all who lived in that house as well. He was after all still a good at cuddles.
This is the last photo of Ruger I ever took. It was taken in bed Wednesday, June 12th 2024. He was being his usually cute derp of a self, as comfortable as could be with two blankets. This is the last night I would get to cuddle with him. I wish I had let him hog the bed a bit more that night.
Thursday, June 13th 2024 was Ruger's last day. He started to have breathing fits when he got too excited or exerted himself too hard. This had been going on for a while. We found some breathing meds on Amazon that helped for a while. While recording my podcast, he started having a fit that no amount of medicine or snuggles could help with. Shelby came home and we took him to Blue Pearl animal hospital in Midvale. I had always had hope that he would pass away peacefully in his bed during a nap. But my biggest fear for him had come to pass, I had to put him down.
He had been such a happy dog, waking up with tail wags and kisses in the mornings. It was hard to decide when was the right time for him. But I knew this was it. They put him on oxygen and brought him into us. Shelby and I each fed him a Hershey kiss. After I fed him one, he licked my hand. I told him I knew he was just looking for more chocolate, but I was going to pretend that was his last kiss. Then the little shit kept trying to eat the air hose, thinking it was more chocolate. We cuddled him for a while longer and said our goodbyes. I asked Shelby to press the button to call the vet in. They asked If I was ready. "No, but he is" was my answer. His breathing had gotten worse again, and I could no longer be selfish and keep him here.
At 10:39 Ruger left this mortal coil. Now all I have left of my little shadow is some pictures, videos and a few nose and paw prints. But you see the little shit has one more lesson left to teach me.
As my therapist has discovered, I am bad at releasing grief. Seeing as how, I am still holding onto the passing of my grandmother in 93 and grandfather in 99. I would be a liar if I told you I did not cry myself to sleep that night. Or cry as I showered and attempted to go to work the next day. I could not stay. I could not keep my composure. I have cried more in these past few days since his passing than I have in years. I would also be a liar if I did not tell you I have been balling my eyes out for the majority of the time it has taken me to write this.
So Ruger you are missed. I am grieving you. Everyone in this house has cried over you, and you have left a hole bigger than the amount of space you demanded in bed. You and I grew up and changed a lot together. I will always and forever miss the ear kisses you gave me. The peace laying next to and rubbing your little velvet ears provided. I sat in that room, petting you and bawling, for a solid 20 minutes after you had passed. I only quit petting you when they finally took you away for the last time. I see myself crying over the loss of you, my little shadow, for the foreseeable future. I apologize to those of you who have reached out to me and not gotten a response. I am grieving and this is hitting me hard.
Bishop :(
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