Back when we were working on The Pocket Life Coach, we were given the task of making some three month goals. They were due April first. Jokes on me, I finally smoked a chicken last night. It was one of those three month goals. Smoked chicken is amazing and everyone loved it. I somehow magically timed it where dinner was ready when Shelby walked in the door. It was a serendipity moment. Jackie has been on a potato strike as of late and only agrees to eat them as french fries. Well, she devoured a smoked potato, so I guess that is on the menu for her now. Small victories.
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Jeff and I took this month off from the podcast. He was ready to record, and I could not bring myself to. I have been stressed, distracted and sad. I knew that if I tried to record, it would be forced and not a good episode. Today I finally posted last month's episode. Ruger had to be put down right after we finished recording it. I until tonight could not bring myself to touch that episode. Thinking of it brought me back to that night, and I just could not deal. This next episode will be off script but should be fun. We would love some listener mail / questions via text or voice mail (801) 810-7502.
One of the joys of getting older is the decline in value of other people's opinions. Thinking back on my younger years, I can recall too many times I went with the flow even when I did not like where the flow was going. I had a very interesting and productive talk with my mother last week. She called me and asked "Do you think I am the worst mother ever"... Unprepared for such a question, my brain lagged for a moment.
While I have reservations about some things from my childhood, this was a very raw and honest question she asked. I took a deep breath and told her that while there were things about my childhood I did not enjoy, I had learned some things. I learned that we as children experience things that stick with us. We question those events, we ponder those events, and we try to understand them as adults. The problem is, we are trying to decipher memories that are usually very distant and with information gained through a child's eyes.
We don't always know what the big picture is. We can't fathom what else might have been going on at that moment in time. Furthermore, we probably don't know what adult issues, stress, sickness or depression they might have been dealing with at that moment in time. We had a good talk. I told her about going to therapy and working through grief. I had a few questions and I feel like I got honest answers.
We talked about my grandparents. That led to a crying session because I am still letting that grief out. I can honestly say that it was unexpected and productive. For those of us with living parents that might be struggling with that relationship. I encourage you to have a conversation with them. Because unspoken things do get heavy and some day all we might have left in unanswered questions without the ability to try and get some answers.
I did learn an interesting fact that gained mom some points. Growing up, we spent a lot of time at the local library. Dad had and sounds like he still might have a temper. Apparently he was not at his best when getting home from a long day at work. Moms answer to that problem and to shield me from that was trips to the library. It gave him some time to come home and cool off, and allowed us to avoid the temper. This was something I never knew about. So here we have a adult issue that I as a kid was oblivious to. Well done mom and thank you.
I am 100% positive that Jackie will have words with me when she is older. She will have things that she did not understand or enjoy about her childhood. Try as we might as parents, this seems to be an unavoidable fact of life. As much as these tiny humans often think we are all knowing, the time will come when they find out we are human. Sometimes that happens with age and other times with actions. All we can do is our best. Some days, that best won't be good enough. I think the biggest thing I want to do different is show her she can talk about anything with me. Good or bad, I am still dad and I love her. That was something I feel I lacked. Some it was through actions and words, other parts of it were due to religion, and that created a huge divide between my parents and I.
Bishop :(:
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