Back to the November mist playlist on Spotify. Lost Boy by Ruth B plays in my headphones. It's once again 7 in the morning. I did not spill any coffee this morning. I used my mug with a lid. So I guess I can learn? The sun is just starting to come up, and I can see its dim rays filtering through the windows beyond my monitors. Jackie is here, and we are going to the Winter Market at the Gateway mall later today.
When I was in Idaho my first Christmas away, my parents never sent me any gifts. This always bothered Joy (Charles mother). I will always say I have two moms. My birth mother and Joy. Joy loved me even when I was not living a life that was in the guidelines of the LDS church. When carpet slowed down, I got a job at Wendy's. When I told my mother, she was disappointed. She told me she did not raise her son to be a burger flipper. I was a kid... It was the best I could do at the time.
I remember where I met Tyler. It was at Apex Alarm company. We were both training to install alarm systems. He was struggling with a few things and I took him under my wing. He in turn welcomed me into his life. Apex is now known as Vivint. I have to laugh at this, but the guys at Apex did not think I was cut out for sales, so they trained me to be an installer. I write this sitting at my desk in the basement of my house that I purchased while working a full commission sales job selling cars.
But truthfully, back then, I probably was not ready for sales. I myself was a lost boy. I always felt like I was trying to find my place in the world and a seat at someone's table. I wanted to feel like I belong someplace. Something I chased for many of my young years. Ironically, even when I myself felt lost, others told me they liked my confidence and no fucks given I am who I am attitude. I gave sooooo many fucks. This is why my field of fucks is now barren.
I was going to make the drive to Minnesota in a 1960 Ford Falcon. The clutch went out a few weeks before we left. So I ended up with a $300 Chevy Cavalier found in Pocatello, Idaho. Put some new to me tires on it and installed a CB. In a convoy, Tyler, his girlfriend and I hit the road. Lost a fan belt part way through and a mobile mechanic got me patched up and back on the road. In the middle of nowhere.
Tyler and I did not last the summer with Apex. We drank, we smoked, and that in many ways clashed with our employers. So my summer install job was cut short. It was time for me to leave Minnesota. But where was home? I thought about going to Idaho, but had no real job plans laid out. I called and talked to mom back in Connecticut. She asked what I planned to do, and I told her that my only real thought was to go back to Idaho and meet with a navy recruiter. Our call was short and sweet, and she wished me luck.
Dad called not long after and talked to me. He told me to come home. It was a night and day difference in the conversations between parents. The guy who let me go did me a solid and purchased me a one way bus ticket to New London, Connecticut. So with cowboy hat on and one suitcase loaded, I got dropped off at the bus station. I made my way to the smoking area and met a young couple in a similar situation. They, too, were taking a bus trip home.
We stuck together for most of the trip. I gave him his first chewing tobacco and watched as he turned green. I smoked Marlborough Red 100's and chewed Red Man at the time. A few memories stick with me from that trip. At one little stop a woman complained that she was starving but had no money. I had very little to my name but gave her two or three bucks to hit the vending machine before we were back on the road. One of the older ladies on the bus watched that and told me whoever my girl was is very lucky to have a guy like me. She was surprised to learn I was single. Later in that trip, we stopped in a big city for a late night transfer. The amount of fast talking people that tried to lure me out of the bus station, promising a good time, was outstanding.
I ended up buying a $10 bag of weed, so one guy would leave me alone. I gave it to my traveling companions as I really did not want it. It was in the end a $10 bag of tiny sticks of a tree in a little black baggie. Not long after that, the couple I made friends with parted ways as our bus routes changed. At one point, I started chatting with a girl headed to college in New York. I was not a smooth then as I am now, and I realize she was probably flirting with me. At one of our bus transfers, she looked a bit sad when she asked where we're sitting, and I told her I was headed to the empty bench at the back of the bus to try and nap. Sleeping on the bus did not come easy.
After a few days late at night I made it to New York. Dad was working in the city and waited up to meet me. We took a cab to the metro station, and we boarded the train to Old Saybrook. We finally made it to the station and dad waited for me while I had a smoke. When we got home, I made my way to the camper and crashed out for a few hours.
Mom came and woke me up in the morning to take me out for coffee and breakfast. I can't really remember what we talked about, but I thought it was nice she took me out for coffee. When we got back to the house, she told me to get my laundry together, and she would run a load for me. She told me to take off my shirt and I hesitated. She was insistent, so I did... That was when mom learned I had a tattoo.
I made a few small appearances at church. But they were not frequent. My mother encouraged me to have my name removed from the church records if I did not intend to go. I actually met with Bishop Erickson and convinced me it was ok to let my name stay on the records. I have as of yet not had my name removed, but it is on the to-do list, just not a massive priority.
Our neighbors usually had a party now and then, and my father made it a point to tell them not to give me booze. So I lived off near beers for a while. Eventually, one of the guys at work sold me a car for pretty cheap, it was my first Crown Victoria. It was a 93 and is still in my opinion one of the uglier years' for that car, but it was wheels.
I reconnected with Brian who I met through church. He was my inspiration to get into being a DJ and my mentor. He has remained a lifelong friend. I connected with some of the locals, including Josh, who was for a time a mechanic at Tire Country. I even joined the Old Lyme Fire Department. A volunteer organization that my grandfather had served with. I was living in Connecticut and discovering things like I had not gotten to enjoy before, like coffee shops. We are about to take a deep and life changing turn in this story. But that will be for part three.
Finally, conditional love. I was communicated with more and loved when I lived a LDS lifestyle. I was criticized and put down when I did not. This, this, really fucked with my head and in many ways explains why my relationships, boundaries and concept of love was so warped for so long.
Bishop :(:
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